Aussie Rules!*
Thursday, 24 March 2005
We just got to Melbourne and it is great. They even have good music, actually quite a lot of good music, we went to see Plantlife the other night and they rocked, the lead singer bloke is like prince. In general, Melbourne is quite like some of the nicer bits of London but cheaper and more friendly, and the weather is really good.
I can not emphasise enough how great cases of wine are. Everyone should have some. Mmmm..... cheap and delicious, and good for home improvements too. When Dan and I have collected enough of these delicious bountiful beauties we are going to make a partition between our kitchen and our lounge/bedroom.
The major cultural areas of excellence in Melbourne are as follows:
1) Stealth Fat. All the chocolate bars are a third bigger, the cans of soft drink are bigger and all the portion sizes are at least twice asian size even if you ask for small. Excellently, I don't even look remotely fat in this country as, due to the steath fat, it is populated by quite a lot of heffers.
2) Gladwrap and Hoons. Two great Australian words, respectively meaning cling film and boy racer which I think the whole English speaking world should adopt and say in an Alf Stewert accent.
3) Schooners, in some pubs they use this to mean a very substandard pint (smaller and tasting of soda water which has been exposed to catalytic converter fumes). Carlton draft is the worst offender.
4) Big boxes of wine. oH bountiful case of wine let me suckle at your plastic nipple, let me cradle you under my arm and love you like my own. As the man in the grog shop said "Welcome to Australia, embrace the case!"
*In most aspects
Some aspects are less good. here are the details:
A) In other news, me and Dan are trying to get jobs. And I have just realised why Australians all seem so bloody pleased with the crappy jobs they do all over London. The pay here is absolutely dire. And you have to act like doing data entry is really interesting and you really want to do it, and be really bloody perky all the time. In London it is totally accepted that you have to have border line brain damaged to enjoy data entry. Someone offered me $10 (3 pound 50)per hour to nanny their child yesterday. Frankly, I got paid more than that to stand around in Woolworths and moan about my hangover when I was sixteen in the UK, and that was 11 years ago. Rubbish!
B) Psyhcotic women trying to break next doors door down and screaming in the middle of the night. Last night we were woken up by said psycho who had lept over the fence into our building and was breaking anything that was breakable and outside. The bloke next door obviously knew her as he has four locks on his front door and a metal grill over that and all his windows, without which I reckon she would definately have got in before the police arrived. Unfortunately our bedsit has no such reinforcements and we just had to hope that her violence was focused solely on him and that she was a good aim. He said she's likely to be back so I will give more updates on this lovely sheila in future episodes.
On March 25, 2005, Teech said:
G'day ewes,
See you've launched yourselves into Aussie culture (or is that a contradiction in terms?). Hope ewes manage to get meaningful i.e. well~paid, work soon. The unit location sounds colourful not to mention the inhabitants (bit like Bolckow Road, really). If you ever go to the BEST city in Aus let us know - we will warn our old mates! We are off to Goa tomorrow for a fortnight's chill so take care and look forward to catching up with your adventures when we return . Teech.
On March 26, 2005, Catherine said:
Alright me old cobbers!
Have fun in Goa. Will let you know when we're on our way to Sydney - is Andrew back there?
On March 27, 2005, Dan said:
I'm currently hiding out after being scared out of the house by the fact that the bloke next door had a woman in his flat. He was playing Blue really loud while they argued. I think it might be the scary smashing things woman.
Jesus, I think this dude is going to be trouble....