Tourist World
Sunday, 17 April 2005
At five past five this Friday I was released from the land of shitjob and returned to my natural habitat; Tourist World. Here is my report on my joyeous home coming and the terrors of shitjob land.
After drinking some of the local celebratory liquer and having a very un spicy curry on Friday night we began our journey into Tourist World, first stop Philip Island. We took only bare essentials (a car, twenty assorted trunks and reading materials and Dan's Dad and his lovely wife Barbera), for this intrepid journey through the bush.
We saw penguins and they are soo cute and spacky. The way they walk is cool. They all gather up at the edge of the sea waiting for their mates so they can storm the beach together. And then they just stand there for ages, getting knocked over by every single wave that comes along. They just stand poised on the edge of the beach, leaning forwards like they're about to go into battle . Suddenly the call comes from HQ:
"We're going over the top boys!"
And all the little penguins waddle up over the beach as fast as their little flippers can carry them.
the seagulls are really cool too. On this bay we were in there was a really strong wind coming of the sea and they just float on it in the sunset above all the tourists, looking really clean and white, waiting for popcorn to drop so they can pounce. The coolest thing they do though, is swoop over the penguins to scare them into thinking that they are German bombers (I believe Scientists have spoken to the little pingus to confirm this is their beleif). Then because they are so scared the penguins spew up some fish.
"A, ha ha ha" squark the seagulls "stupid penguins" before eating up all their vom.
"Me stupid?" cries little Tommy Pingu "You're the one eating vomit"
This is a bit of a stale mate between the pingus and the seagulls. I will leave you to decide who is stupider.
We also racked up a load of other nature points by seeing koalas, wallabies and Galars.
My top tip if you are going to go and see penguins at Philip island is wear all your clothes and bring a flask of hot alcoholic beverage with you. It will certainly enhance your fun.
Sadly, I am due to return to the land of Shitjob tomorrow thus marring my fun tourism. The particular part of this land that I reside in during the week is an enormous corporate termite mound called Coles Myer Headquarters. And yes, my friends, I work in the customer complaints call centre (call centres being the sweatshops of the first world). To do this rubbishly paid task of listening to the whole nation of Australia whine about queue lengths and sloppy yoghurt I have to wear "business attire" and am not allowed a free cup of tea. These are the final insults, oh yes. Complain at your peril, Australians, for your name will go down on my list of the damned. The incoherrent complainers of Queensland will staring straight into the bowels of hell come the day of reckoning.
On April 18, 2005, Julian and Barbara said:
Hi there
Yes.... my top tip for viewing penguins at Penguin Point Phillip Island is to wear many layers of clothes..... take gallons of hot chocolate, binoculars and something soft to sit on..... possibly a loud hailer to tell all the selfish tourists to stay seated so everyone can see.... then you'll have a wicked time... Seal point - we think this should be re-named as "There Once Was a Seal Here Point" because we didn't see any despite the claim to there being 18,000 of them residing there!!!
Nevertheless the scenery was beautiful and a good time was had by all!!!!!
On April 18, 2005, Dan said:
Photos up soon. We have some excellent despondency in there and a few giant koalas.
On April 19, 2005, Crossland said:
How is your foot/ankle now? Surely you should claim that you need regular breaks every 5 minutes in order to rehabilitate your walking, thus reducing shitjob time?
On April 20, 2005, Catherine said:
Good Idea Mr X. I will try that. Perhaps I can get disbility benefits too...
On April 22, 2005, Catherine said:
No apologies for the rubbish typos and spelling. You can all work out what I wanted to say anyway. Or at least make it up...