Alice? Alice? (readers to supply their own second line)
Wednesday, 25 May 2005
We have just been to the place that the word outbackish came from...
The Outback, of course! We arrived in Alice springs and hired a massive car which had loads of camping gear in the back of it and set off to see some big rocks and stuff. The out back is big. No really, it's really big. We flew here from Melbourne and I was looking out of the plane window the whole time and all you could see for three solid hours was red mud and the occaisional really long road stretching out to the horizon, or really long dry river bed. Well, we drove through it for 500Km along two roads, I navigated the left turn that was essential to our journey's sucess. The scenery along the way is beautiful, red earth, spinifex (which is dried out grass clumped together in flame shapes) and the occaisional really droopy tree or bush. We also saw loads of animals kangaroos, wallabies, camels, skinny cows and eagles and some other carrion eating birds. For about 200km we played spot the road kill. We spotted 52 assorted pieces of bush tucker in various stages of decomposition - one of them, a cow was really inflated and looked like it was about to explode. We also played wave in a funny way at the driver coming the other way.
It was cool.
Ularu is amazing after a five hour drive through flat dryness, I can see why the aboriginals think it is so sacred, the Olgas are really cool too. Me and Dan camped near it. The people who rented us the car gave us swags, these are like reinforced sleeping bags for sleeping out in the bush with all the scary insects and snakes and violent marsupials. We slept in the car, which was much better and Dan saw the marsupials coming at the car in the middle of the night. By some amazing act of God we actually got up and saw the sun rise over Uluru which was really cool because there was a massive full moon too. The rock does change colour and glows like sunlight through shut eyelids in the sun rise.
The other main thing about round there is the sand flies. These are everywhere and absolutely swarm around you in their hundreds, so much so that it is considered perfectly normal to wear a net around your head all the time. Dan was getting really pissed off about them being in his face and I took a great photo of him being in a beresker rage, unfortunately, as I was laughing hysterically at this I sucked one into my mouth and swallowed it. Instant Karma, I suppose.
The other main thing we noticed during this trip were the horribly racist people we encountered while stopping for a piss and a pie at the side of the road (they only have pies in the outback) - sample conversation:
Random bloke: Ahh you bin to Alice have ya?
us: yeah
Random bloke: nnahh I got a mate up near there works in a service station
us: That must be a harsh job
Random bloke: Yeah whole towns full of aboriginals, they come in in gangs and steal things from his shop. Black Barstards
Us: Mmm.... Well we'd better get going...
I also spoke to a woman who was really pissed off about the number of Asians on the Gold Coast "I dont mind a few of them but there there's more of them than there are of us. Its supposed to be our country."
URRRGHH! I hate speaking to these people. And the worst thing about them is they always talk to you like you're going to agree with them. If I was writing Australia's school report I would chastise it harshly for this abundance of racism, smack it's bottom and make it stand in the corner.
Ahh well we are in Sydney now which looks great on first impressions.
On May 25, 2005, Daz said:
Glad to see you are enjoying the holiday as you might not be allowed back into the UK since the government has declared war on hoodies. It's all quite bizarre. Basically you're to blame for all the evil in the world. Crime, Famine, War and so on. So be careful. When you come back I suggest trying to swallow one inside a condom. Otherwise we'll never see you again.
On May 26, 2005, Mr Horse said:
Hey Webbs,
Glad to hear you made it! Have a great time in Sydney. There's a great walk on Bondi, and the ferrys are wicked.
Love Mr Horse
P.S. Sebastian lives in a flat not a 'hat'. Just joking. I am accepting that the story in ingrained in my make up.
On May 26, 2005, catherine said:
Hey Seb,
You knoww you really live in a brown hat that yous ometimes wee in its no good denying it. We've hat shared with you.
X