Terrible Two go off the Rails in South America
Friday, 15 July 2005
My God! My digestive system has never been asaulted with so much low quality grease and eggs. Luckily, my North Eastern Heritage has not let me down and I am well able to cope with it. I have sceduled myself for a heart attack on the 5th of September, and in the meantime will be growing myself a respectable gut.
Anyone who knows about Danīs wierd obsession with Lada jeeps will be impressed that we seem to have come to the the world capital for them and not a conversation goes past when we donīt ponder on the relative merits of souping up, or painting diorreah brown the magnificent Niva. Diorreah brown is the current favourite...
We have arrived in the very European looking town of Cuenca. Its like someone scooped up Barcelona (minus the Gaudi bits) and dumped it in the middle of Ecuador.
We got here by riding on the roof of a train down a mountain called the devils nose. It was all very beautiful, in the way that things get when you are a lot closer to the sun, all mountainy and loverly, yīknow muy bonita vista. It was marred only by the presence of some completely wanky French people from Radio France, one of whom kept whacking me in the face with the end of his boom and sticking his ass in my face, and all of whom ponced around shouting in French at all the vendors who were selling over priced tea and coffee to the rest of us gringos. Grrrr.... Poncy French Gits.
Anyway, unluckily or luckily depending on how you look at it, the train started to career down this hill too fast and the back carriage derailled, causing a lot of standing back with hands on hips and sucking of teeth from the Ecuadorian men who were on the train for just such an occurence. Apparently it happens all the time, which was patently obvious from the way the vendors just carried on walking along the roof and shouting bananas, patatas, te, cafe, chocolates etc... It took about an hour to get it back on to the track, during which time the Radio France people buggered off. Yeay! They left their cushions too, so me and Dan could sprawl out all the rest of the way.
PS. Sorry about the slight xenophobia in this entry... If you knew me you would realise that I find all people who bat me in the face highly irritating...
