People with panpipes must die
Wednesday, 10 August 2005
They simply must die, be ressurected then be killed again with their own wanky instruments. Musica Folklorica is a load of toss.
These people come up while you are trying to have your dinner and piss you off immensely THEN ask you for money really aggressively. I´ll set the scene. There´s normally about 4 of the bastards although sometimes they are so bad that their fellow bandmates can´t even handle them and then they are solo. They at least have panpipes, the South American´s principle method of torture, but often if you are unlucky you get a fucking rythmatically diseased twat with a drum and some people with little shit guitars made out of endangered animals (armadillos). I mean, how many ways can they annoy you at once?
The musica folklorica dude in Huacachina looked like the evil wizard out of Conan the Barbarian and he really had it in for us. Every place we went he´d stalk us out and play guantanamara at us, he could tell we wished him dead. He looked like he wanted to kill us too when we didn´t give him money. He knew we weren´t digging his musical stylings and weren´t going to pay him. You see people just rush there food down, pay and bugger off before he had chance to finish his song so they wouldn´t be forced to pay. We discussed various methods of revenge:
1. Eye for an eye. We´d grab all the brits from our hostal, of which there were legions, arm them with bangos and casio keyboards, find out where these bastards eat then play them OUR musica folklorica. "Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit...." Now who´s laughing bitches??????
2. The drum technique. Take our own folklorica drum to the restuarant and have it under the table. Whenever they start and intro give the drum a bang half a beat out of time. It would sent them all into chaos. They´d never be able to start a song.
3. Take of and nuke them from orbit. It´s the only way to be sure. This would be hard to orchastrate but a simple but related method would be to play a local policeman to shoot them. This is defiantely possible and I´ve got $20 in my ocket for just such and emergency.
4. Wear a t-shirt that reads thusly: "Si usted toca música folklorica en mí le golpearé con un tablón!" I would need to carry a plank for this to be effective.
So yes, I don´t like them. I do like plush buses though. I´ve discovered that I like going on luxury buses more than I like getting to where we are going by quite alot. It´s no reflection on the places, we´ve been to loads of cool ones recently, it´s just that luxury buses are so DAMN GREAT. The seats you get in South America buses are just enormous. You could open a brothel on one of em. They are amazing. I´ve been informed that the buses in Argentia involve being served champagne as well. They are going to have to drag me of those...
Also, there are new photos. They are quite good as well. See me and Catherine sandboarding like pros and some dried bull bollocks.
That´s all for now. I can´t be bothered to write about what we´ve actually done but it´s been good.
On August 11, 2005, Catherine said:
Dan is right.
On August 15, 2005, Tom said:
Ah the evil panpipe buskers, know them well. You get them in Europe as well, where they not only irritate punters but other buskers as well, by the simple method of getting up early, claiming the best pitch and staying there ALL day, meeting any attempts by other musicians to have a half hour slot with naked hostility and aggression. Sometimes the bastards even have amplifiers.
I fully agree, fire them into outer space