Cuzco
Wednesday, 17 August 2005
The great thing about Cuzco is you dont have to eat Peruvian food here. Also there is a bikers bar wich has loads of Darts boards in it. Me and Dan are honing our Eric Bristow-like skills.
I wouldn´t want you thinking I wasn´t being cultural, though. I´ve developed a number of very cultural illnesses, including soroche (altitude sickness - its like an extreme form of laziness combined with having smoked 80 a day for 40 years), and an exciting purple rash, no bowel related news since we got here though, (not eating manky menus methinks).
Also my Spanish has been reaching amazing new heights by talking to toothless old women in the plaza, one of whom you couldnt really count as a proper conversation cos she only squeeked and tried to kiss me, but still... It all culminated in my being able to tell a confused English woman in the chemist how to ask for sanitary towels without wings today:
"Toallas sin avis porfavor"
In this country a bit and a lot in Ecuador, you cant just walk around the shop and pick up what you want, all the stuff is behind the counter. In Ecuador it once took us over 15 minutes to complete the buying of some bog roll. The process is thus (incase you ever have to do it):
Stage One:
Approach man number one ask him if they sell toilet paper as none is evident
"Se vende papel hygenico?"
He then replys yes so ask for an amount.
He gives you, not bog roll but one piece of paper which will not last for more than one toilet trip.
Stage Two:
Look confusedly at the man and say
"Donde esta el papel hygenico?"
He then gestures you to another man and says something too fast in Spanish.
Stage Three:
Go to the other man and give him your piece of paper, repeating hopefully "Papel Hygenico?" He then wanders off into the back and fetches some bog roll. (If he has an enormous packet of it you can extend the process by 10 minutes by asking for mas piqueña)
Stage Four:
Wierdly he does not give you the bog roll. but another piece of paper, he gives the bog roll to a woman at a till.
Dont give up! Follow you bog roll!
Stage Five:
Give the woman your new piece of paper, she will type something into the till and ask you for money.
Once you have given the woman the money there is only a small amount of paper work to be completed. She stamps a few bits of paper and fills in some blanks and hands you one of the pieces and finally THE BOG ROLL IS YOURS!!!!
She then asks "¿Quieres una bolsa?"
You should always say no to this question, there is a small chance that you whole holiday will be spent inside the chemists.
On August 18, 2005, Mr 'Seb' Horse said:
Hey Webbs,
Still in Phuket... I will share you a lovely travelling tale, one that will make you giggle like teenage girls (well at least Catherine anyway but maybe Dan after a couple of coldies).
Mr Horse makes it to Phuket. Upon arrival, he is picked up by a tuk tuk (taxi). The lovely gentlemen in the tuk tuk starts talking to Mr Horse...
"Oh Mr Horse... deez b*tches are some of da best b*tches in da world..."
As I looked through my open carriage, one had to agree...
"Deez b*tches Mr Horse, dey are wet and so warm, you can take in a different b*tch every day and night...."
Now it's sounding hairy, if not an usual holiday.
Then we drove past a lovely beach.
"Da b*tches Mr Horse, da b*tches are waiting for you..."
Well, maybe it wouldn't be such a fulfilled journey after all...
he, he, he
Anyway, the only amount of physical action I've got in the last week was actually moving my arm to reach for a cold beer... one, two, one... it has been very strenous.
I also got some strange reflexology where a lady kept talking about the size of my 'pee pee'. The truth must come one day I guesss, I will send you some bizzarre pics (although I must admit my dearest Webbs you have a fine collection on this website that will keep your children vomiting for years...)
On August 18, 2005, Seb Horse said:
P.S. I will send you some bog roll from Thailand. Do you care if it's monkey skin? I little hairy but still fun...
On August 18, 2005, Catherine said:
Oh Horse, you are so cheesey.