The Results are IN!!!!
Sunday, 21 August 2005
Yes we have travelled the World and are about to leave it and come back to Blighty. Here are the awards for Special Achievements in the World:
The Manc Scally award for Wolrds most Innovative sales person:
The 6 year old child outside Angkor Wat for forcing souvenirs on you and crying if you gave them back saying "if you give it back you dont like Cambodia, you dont like me", Then running away and waiting for you to come over and give her some money for them. She gets extra points for; being able to do this in Japanese, Khmer, English and French, and for producing real tears. Tuk Tuk drivers of Bangkok also get a special mention for their spirited attempts and dogged determination, when trying to sell, jewelery, suits, boom boom, and pingpong girls.
The Pat Sharp Award for World´s Worst Hair Dresser:
No competition for this one, The Veitnamese lady in the Hairport in Vancouver. This is the only time I have got up and left a hair dressers for fear it was only going to get worse. "You want some short some long?" "you want all same length?" as she overs hysterically around my head.
The Julian Clary Award for Worlds Campest Man;
Difficult choice this one, It turns out to be King Mincer of Libra Guesthouse. Chaing Mai, who narrowly headed off Tony of Tony´s Place Ayatuya, for his sheer consistancy, well done KM! A staring momet was when he held Dan´s hand and started stroking his belly.
The Andrew Sommerville Award for Comf:
This was a very tightly contested award, but was won by the slow boat to Luang Prabang, for a full 18 hours of sitting in a space too small for a ten year old with knees jammed into a comf wolly hat covering the next seat. Special mentions go to the pick up truck in Southern Laos filled with 67 people (mostly small Laoation ones), and aroud twenty baskets of dying fish, this one lost out because it only lasted for 6 hours and we were able to hang off the back of the truck.
Bullys Special Prize:
This one goes to Norton Rats in Cuzco for having excellent burgers and a Darts board
The Colonels Prize for Worlds Best Fast Food:
After much deliberation this goes to Satay King in Malaysia, though Baha Fresh in the USA deserves an extra special mention for tastyness and the man behind the counter who tried to speak in and English accent for us and who signed our menu, which we treasure in the bottom of our backpacks.
The Sebastian Halse Clap your Hands for Jesus, Worlds Most Innanely Religious Country:
Peru gets this one for a number of reasons headed up by its almost constant long noisy religous festivals, its gory Jesus´s, its Yo heart Jesus bumper stickers and the way that we reckon they´d all be having a bit of random bang on their drums, getting drunk and jumping around anyway.
The Mills and Boon Most Romantic Country Award:
This goes to Cambodia of course, no explanation needed.
The Dog on a String Worlds Crustiest Traveller Award:
This one had two major contenders, wolf man who had a backpack full of glowing thumbs and collected currencies that could be used in vending machines in expensive countries and Mr Flakey. Mr Flaky won it of course, there is nothing more crusty than a bloke who is scamming invalidity benefit for mental illness and has crusty bits falling off his face. We met both of these in Laos, strangely.
The Bowelwatch Award for World Worst Toilet
The worlds worst toilet is the one in KFC in Melbourne. Overflowing used syring bin, no seat, burn marks all over the sink, no lock, no bog roll, no soap and a bloody syring in the sink. This one had it all. No competition.
The Harold Bishop Bonzerest Number of Free Electric BBQs in One Country Award:
Obviously we made this one up for Australia, they have one literally every mile or so though.
On August 22, 2005, Crossland said:
How about the "Sinner or Winner man" prize for the capital city with the highest proportion of randomly mad people? There's no place like home...
On August 22, 2005, Catherine said:
You´re absolutely right Mr X, That one goes to San Fransisco absolutely 100%, nearly 50% of the people there are completely shouting in the street insane, and the rest of them are probably quietly insane. The only vaguely normal person I met there was from New York.
On August 27, 2005, Catherine said:
The award for Flagiest Country goes to.... despite very harsh competition form the US it goes to... Peru. Come on flag waving bastards of America Peru is a run down third world country, it's full of shit and rubbish the people there shouldn't want to wave their flags morth than you.
On August 27, 2005, Catherine said:
Award for server who looks at our site the most... Big shout out to Lesk.sissa.it. Cheers Val it seems you even beat my Mam!
On August 28, 2005, Sebastian Halse said:
I am touched. Not only do I have an Award named after me, but that the worst toilet in the world (obviously fundamental to the entire bowelwatch concept) was awarded to Melbourne.
I feel like I've won the Olympics. I feel like Gwenyth at the Oscars without the attitude and odd pre-occupation with her father.
You guys are too, too funny.